COUNSELING

READ THIS FIRST!

Counseling Services are often an integral part of other topics on this website. For example, drug rehabilitation, pregnancy, and legal problems are often connected with counseling services. Therefore, don't forget to consider other areas of this site, if you don't find exactly the type of counseling you are looking for below.

No one feels good all the time. Everyone, at times, has strong uncomfortable or angry feelings about things going on in their lives. When you have these feelings, try talking with your parents or someone else you trust first. If it can’t be worked out with them, counseling can help.

Counseling can help you change many of your uncomfortable feelings into more comfortable ones. Other times, people talk with counselors to help them with decisions they are trying to make or problems they are trying to solve. Through counseling, you learn to better understand your feelings. What’s more, counselors treat your conversations as special and private. Only in emergency situations (child abuse or threats of suicide/homicide) would a counselor need to report to someone else something you said.

WHEN DO I NEED COUNSELING?

If things you are feeling or doing begin to interfere with your normal everyday activities, you may need counseling. The following are signs you may need support.

• Sudden changes in mood or behavior
• Depression - feeling unhappy for a long time
• Anxiety - strong feelings of fear or nervousness
• Loss of temper over small things
• Physical aches and pains that have no known physical cause
• Dropping grades

WHO DOES COUNSELING?

The best helper for you is someone who won’t put you down for your feelings. Sometimes friends or relatives can help by listening to your problems and not judging you.

Sometimes problems seem too hard or too personal to share with someone close. In that case, it’s smart to talk things through with a counselor. The counseling might be done individually or in a group.

WHERE DO I FIND COUNSELING?

There are many places to go for counseling. It may be helpful to talk with your parents, teachers, guidance counselor, school nurse, or clergy about where to go for help.

DEATH AND LOSS

When someone close to you dies, you may be overwhelmed with feelings of anger, hurt, sadness, and uncertainty. It is a painful and confusing time. The problem of what to say and how to talk about your feelings is one of the most difficult that you can face. You may even be afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.

When someone you care about dies, you may have lots of different feelings, many at the same time, including surprise, disbelief, anger, guilt, loneliness, depression, and sadness. Each person reacts to death in his or her own way. Some cry, some get angry, some get quiet and go off by themselves, and some act like nothing happened. How you grieve is a personal thing and does not measure how much you cared about the person, only how you handle or express your feelings.

Your feelings will go back and forth. Sometimes things around you like a smell, a song, a holiday, will trigger some feelings and memories.

It is important to talk about your feelings with a family or a friend or someone you feel will listen to you. Sometimes it is hard to talk with someone about how you feel. By keeping these feelings inside and not expressing them, you could experience headaches, loss of appetite, mood swings, fear, loneliness, depression and anger.

If you know someone who has a loved one, you may want to do something for the family and friends that the person left behind. The following are some suggestions of things that you can do:

• Run an errand
• Mow the lawn or take care of the garden
• Feed a pet or walk the dog
• Bring flowers
• Wash the car
• Help with household chores
• Listen if they want to talk

Remember that there are people out there who can help you as you struggle with the death of someone. Schools and religious organizations may have support groups to help you deal with the death of someone.

DIVORCE

If your parents are separated, going through a divorce or have recently remarried, you may be feeling confused, angry, guilty, frustrated, sad, or lonely. If you haven’t experienced this yourself, you probably have a friend or know someone who has. Separation and divorce hurts. It hurts the parents and the children. This is a difficult time for all the family members. It is hard for children to accept that no matter how good they are, how great their grades are, or how bad they act, they don’t have any power to make their parents’ relationship better or to bring them together. It also is hard to understand that even if your parents no longer love each other or get along, that doesn’t change their love for you. To help you deal with your feelings, there are programs that can help you. Or talk with your parents, family members, clergy, teacher or a concerned friend.

Check with your school counselor to see if your school offers a support group for young people who are experiencing feelings about divorce, separation and/or remarriage. You may be surprised to find out how many people have gone through or are experiencing what you are.

PARENT DATING

Once your parents’ breakup is final, at some point one or both of your parents may start dating. Young people feel differently about this, although many agree it’s to see their mother or father with a different man or woman at first. Some youth want to see their parent(s) meet others and start dating; others may feel scared, jealous, angry, or resentful of the person the parent is dating. Some youth believe that this new person may become more important to their parents that they are. Often, it is just as difficult and strange for parents to start dating as it is for their children to see them dating. Remember, just as you need friends your age, your parents need someone their age to share and do things with. Share your feelings with your parents.

STEPFAMILIES

Many young people live in “step” or “blended” families. This is a situation in which a parent remarries someone who also has a family and the two households join. For some young people their “new family” is an enjoyable one; others struggle with getting used to the situation and others feel they can not accept or are not accepted by their “new family.” Try to talk with your parents about this or someone else you respect and trust.

STRESS

Today’s teens face more adult-like stresses than their parents did, and as a time when adults are much less available to help them. With many parents working outside the home, teens are more on their own more than ever.

Stress is a normal part of your life. If you know how to deal with is, it can actually help your creativity, productivity, and healthy relationships with others. If you let it get out of hand, it can become a serious problem.

There are a variety of stresses that you may be facing. Your bodies are changing and you are developing more maturity. Peers may be pressuring you to be like the group. Parents may be pushing you to achieve or make up for something they lack. All of these may cause stress in your life.

Signals of Stress	Stress Reducers
Lack of appetite	Physical activity
Lack of concentration	Hobbies
Loss of sleep	Talking with friends and parents
Dropping grades	Keeping a diary or writing your thoughts
Decline in school performance	Volunteering
Physical ailments	Helping others

If you are feeling the impact of stress in your life, talk with your parents, family members, your school counselor or someone else you trust.

SUICIDE CAN BE PREVENTED!

If someone talks about suicide, take it seriously. Friends may tell you they are thinking of killing themselves and ask that you keep it a secret. This is a secret you can not keep. You can be a better friend by telling someone - a parent, teacher, counselor, clergy, or someone who will listen and believe you. You might also encourage the person talking about suicide to talk to an adult he or she trusts.

If you think someone may be suicidal, don’t be afraid to ask. Mentioning suicide will not give people the idea or push them over the edge. Talking about it can prevent suicide from happening. A suicidal person is not beyond help. The crisis period usually lasts a short time. With help a person can get better.

These five questions are often asked to find out whether or not a person is seriously considering suicide:

• Has this person shown any of the following warning signs: Giving away prized possessions, doing poorly in school, talking about wanting to die, isolating themselves from family and friends, taking unnecessary risks, abusing drugs or alcohol or suddenly happy for no reason after being depressed for a long period?
• Has this person ever attempted or threatened suicide before?
• Does this person really believe he or she has a “good reason” to commit suicide?
• Does this person have a plan to commit suicide?
• Does this person have a way to put that plan into action right away?

‘Yes’ answers to any of these questions means you must be concerned and tell someone who can help. Don’t try to handle it alone. Remember, you cannot take responsibility for another person’s life. The decision is their own. You may however, be able to help your friend see other ways of dealing with problems and pain.

The first step in stopping suicide is to have the person promise, “If I feel like I’m going to hurt myself, I will call someone or a hotline first.”

Remember, it is better to tell someone and risk a friend’s anger than to do nothing. If you know someone who is talking about suicide, care enough to help.

ADOLESCENT MENTAL HEALTH
(WCA Hospital)

• 51 Glasgow Avenue
• Jamestown NY 14701
• Telephone: (716) 664-8645

Inpatient and outpatient mental health/substance abuse program. Medically supervised, must have an MD referral.

ADOLESCENT RI (SEX OFFENDERS)

• Family Service of the Chautauqua County Region, Inc.
• 332 East Fourth Street, Jamestown, NY 14701
• Telephone: (716) 488-1971

FAMILY SERVICES WEB PAGE

This program offers specialized treatment for those who commit sexual offenses. The treatment methodology includes individual, family and group therapy based on a congnitive / behavioral approach. Services are available for both adult and adolescent (12 - 18) in North and South County. There is a fee.